Do you enjoy sex? I know I do!
As you age, it makes sense that it should get better, right? You and your partner are more attuned to each other — you know what each other likes and you can ‘read’ them. As you get more comfortable with each other it should get more satisfying and you should enjoy sex even more.
Seems to me that the more you practice 
the better it should get! And the more you should enjoy sex!
Sadly, that’s not the case with many more couples than you would even dream. And it’s not the institution of marriage that turns off the libido machine!
Women can lose their desire after childbirth and with increased responsibilities and stress. Raise your hand if sex is usually the very LAST thing on your mind on a Friday night after a week of:
- working (or job hunting)
- commuting
- kids sports games
- dinner (if you’re lucky and don’t order pizza or hit the drive-thru)
- homework
- housework
- bill paying
- worrying about bill paying
- thinking about how different it could be
- stress
Did I miss anything?
The sad part of all this is that, as women age, they actually hit their stride between the sheets. Unfortunately, that stride becomes buried deep because all the other things of life take over! When you finally can enjoy sex you’re too tired to focus on it!
I don’t know about anyone else, but if I’m good at something I want to do it more! Practice makes perfect, eh?
“Gee, are you saying that we should ignore everything else and just focus on THAT?”
Heck, no!
I’m saying BALANCE is the KEY.
I’m saying that lack of organization in the above list can help attribute to more stress which dominoes until sex doesn’t even make it to the long list, let alone the short list!
I’m saying there are systems you can put in place that will save time, ease your burden, lessen your stress and help you be in the mood for love!
I’m saying that everything doesn’t have to be hard!
Well, some things do 
My point is this: When you put EVERYTHING else ahead of the time you and your honey need for intimacy everything else will suffer! The two of you deserve your time together!
Let’s start putting some wood on that fire and fan the flames into an inferno again!
What would do it for you? What holds your time with your lover hostage?
Let me know below!
About Becky FisherBecky Fisher -- Social Media Manager and Strategist - understands the value of relationships and reputation management! Having built a long lasting multiple-6-figure/year business in real estate title before early retirement, she is most proud of her clients relating that they felt like she was family to them and not a contracted service. While she takes business very seriously, she doesn't take herself too seriously as evidenced by her upbeat and light-hearted postings online. These days she hails from Central Texas where she and her husband relocated to be close to her only grandchild - Baby Danger. Contact her anytime at becky@simpleandsane.com and she'll make you feel at home!
Follow her on Twitter https://twitter.com/SimpleandSane
Find her on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/rebecca.messick.fisher
She'll speak like she's got sense on her personal G+ page at http://gplus.to/MagicalMediaSolutions & her G+ business page at gplus.to/BeckyFisherSocialMediaMgr
{ 77 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for the post. After to talking to friends it seems that so many woman feel like this!!!!!!!!!!!! I make an effort to keep things fresh and fun even wen I am tired, worried, and stressed. Sex {and exercise but who has time for that?} releases endorphins- Stress relievers!!!
I have found that since I started doing reviews for Eden Fantasys, sex is super fun! The shop is cool cause it’s online and they have super cute lingerie and toys!! Thanks to the review program I have 4-5 toys and TONS of lingerie. I even went and had boudoir photos done for Hubby for Xmas. Huge confidence boost and the photo shoot was so fun!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the reminder that sex is in important part of the marriage relationship. This is a reminder all women need to hear.
And some men, too. It’s not always true that men play offensive and men play defense.
Woo….steamy! But then very important to remember! And I thought the little joke/pun was delightful! (the some things do one)
Hot post
But it’s true, we are so busy these days and always seem to have so many things to do right up until our head hits the pillow! Date night is so important. Doesn’t have to be at night. We love to go out to lunch and hang out for a few hours and laugh and be silly!
I agree with you, I think marital sex can be the most red hot monogomous sex available, but we tend to forget to water the grass. Definitely a great topic, and one that catches everyone’s attention.
Great post! I am a book blogger and see a parallel with reading. Lots of people say they’d love to read if they only had more time. But the fact is, they don’t give it any priority, it comes at the very end of the list of all the things they “need” to do first. So, no wonder they never finish a book!
Sounds familiar?
I agree with Melinda, this is a good reminder. Sex is important to a marriage and it should get better with time. I find that I’m more in the mood when my husband and I have been able to spend time together during the day rather than just jumping into bed and expecting to be intimate right away.
I really understand that list! Books that I’ve read that have really helped me are: Babyproofing Your Marriage and Is There Really Sex After Kids?.
I remember after we had our first child that someone recommend we pencil in “date night” on our calendar. We laughed–until we missed each other so much that that was the ONLY way we could fit it in!
sex is really important even if it is the two of you stealing away for a quickie in the shower in the morning or w/e.
My husband and I are lucky we now have time for each other everyday. I do remember when we both worked 60-80 hours a week it was not easy to even think of having dinner and/or a movie and a good time. Maybe making a date night at least twice a week would be helpful even if the date is a movie at home.
I don’t have sex with my wife anymore, we’ve grown apart from each other and now I simply fill my time with expanding my blogging network and meeting local bloggers to network with.
Not missing sex at all.
My hubby and I are both self-employed, making our own work hours, and we don’t have kids, so we probably have a lot more time for sex than most couples our age – thankfully!
When you get older the lack of interest is high. In fact i would rather have a cup of tea lol
This post was a little shocking at first because I write for a family-friendly blog focused on fun activities for kids so to transition to an adult topic is awkward at first, =:). Valid points none-the-less.
Thanks for commenting, Jaime
I was going to an attention getter but the focus of my blog really isn’t in line with the post. My objective is to help families put systems into place — easier meals, organizing etc to give them back time for each other as a family. I hear so many people talk about being bone tired and constantly arguing and intimacy being the first thing to go. Intimacy (not necessarily the marital act) is so important for couples to remain connected and function as a unified team. When one brick falls it leaves the opening for more to follow. My heart is to see happy families — and constant busy-ness leaves room for discontentment 
Becky
Refreshing. Thank you. I tend to write with no inhibitions, we all experience the same things and do the same things. Why shouldn’t we acknowledge them and share them. My hubby and I are very happy sexually, I’ve embraced my 30′s and the peak it brings with it.
Very clever post. Not being married, I don’t have much more to say. Have fun!
I definitely think you need to keep the passion alive and have “couple” time together. Yeah you have a job, family, everything to take care of, but you can’t forget about each other! Thanks for the post
Health problem have made ours go pretty much out the window but we are working on getting healthier.
That’s fantastic! I talked about health and how my husbands has improved just last week in the post We found that years of medicines had done more harm than good. My advice would be to continue being intimate with each other (spending the quiet time together holding and touching) and the act will follow when the time is right. My vision is to help folks get their time back — which makes them more apt to spend it with the ones they love. (I don’t just mean in the bedroom). Getting time back may make room for a game night or a date night. When we focus on ‘doing’, we lose the ‘being’… and that includes the human ‘beings’
We still have 22 year old at home, grandkids here every evening and most nights. Plus like everyone else, tired by nightfall. Solution: Midday while we only ones here. I find that I have the desire more at that time, not always, but more.
That’s awesome! Does the 22 year old contribute positively to the household? I don’t mean money — I mean responsibility for themselves and their own messes and household help? One of the best things I did when the kids were still home was to put a white board on the fridge. When someone finished something (grocery-wise), they wrote it on the board. It made my grocery trip quicker because I didn’t forget things… and then I had more time to spend with them because I didn’t make 3 trips that week.
For me it is a little one who sleeps with us and his strange hours he has to work. When he is home and in the mood I am exhausted as I have been running around with the little one all day. I have started to blog for Edens too so I hope this will help as I do miss sex and I know we are both worth it.
you have some really good points!! we’re working on making “US” a priority. even just dates.
we need an overnight away is what we need!!!!!
This was a very good post reminding couples to prioritize their relationship over the mundane, everyday activities. And it is true, intimacy is not just about sex but the emotional and spiritual connection as a couple. Thanks for sharing this posting!
Thanks for the reminder to prioritize what matters in relationships! And kudos to you for bravely tackling a somewhat taboo topic.
-Viva recently posted Homemade Pizza Dough
I find that going away for the weekend helps to destress and relax so that time alone with my husband is more attractive. Definitely something we should plan more often.
This is really a good post. I know there are times when life has gotten so busy but my husband and myself still try to make time for each other. It is a very important part of the marriage.
Stress and exhastion really do take a toll on moms. My hubby is encouraging me to nap during the day
I can’t rightly divulge much from personal experience here (wouldn’t it be embarrassing if someone I knew found my comment!), but it’s definitely important to keep close to your spouse emotionally and physically.
I’m in a relatively new relationship after being on my own for about three years, so we’re still in the “all the time” phase! Sorry if that’s TMI, lol! I was married for 9 years though, so I know how it goes when the passion just runs thin.
Ahmen sister!
I’m separated, so no sex for me, but when it was an issue, what would have “done it” more than anything would have been a partner that actually listened to me. Some people forget that there are actually *two* people in the bed.
Thank you, Amanda! That’s exactly the type of response I’m looking for — what does it for you! For some people it’s a clean house .. if they could get some help with that they’d be less stressed. For others it that mealtime is such a chore. They end up in the drive-thru with three cranky kids and nobody’s having a good time. There is someone out there for you — your perfect fit
Good reminder, I agree balance is definitely key..for everything
Interesting post. Not sure how to comment. I’ve been married (to the same man) for 32 years. Ebb and flow…
We’ve got 33 under our belt
I’m not posting as much about the act as I am meaning that we need to take time for those we love … and if a few systems in place (organizing, cooking, cleaning etc) can free up time and make partners less exhausted then it’s a good thing. When we had our business I was always exhausted until I learned how to maximize my efforts each time I did something. Intimacy needs to be nurtured, whether or not it culminates in any action between the sheets. Happier couples=happier families 
This is a really good reminder… thank you.
My husband and I are working on having more date nights. Most of them are just doing something at home after the kids go to bed.
After hitting a rough patch in our marriage we carve out time to spend together alone. It sounds simple and easy but when kids and household demands pile up it can be super hard! Having a few hours to ourselves to talk and laugh helps not only your relationship but it reminds you of why you fell in love in the first place (or at least it did for us) which translated to more intimate time as well.
Making time for each other is so important…and also keeping the excitement alive is crucial for a couple. Great reminder!
I’ll have to admit, I’d rather sleep!
Balance is key. My biggest hurdle right now is being 8 months pregnant. I still strive to at least give to hubs.
Your title got my attention
. Great topic and one that will get a lot of conversations started.
I actually have a friend whose husband kept a “notebook” detailing the days they had sex, which was about twice a year (his choice). They had 3 children, and his buddies all thought he was a big loverboy. Needless to say, after the third child, they got divorced. One of the reasons (noted on the divorce documents) was sexual abandonment.
I’ll just share that it’s important to make time for each other on a regular basis
I agree with you. With regards to the topic, I can’t really give an input since I haven’t experience it.
My husband and I are trying to start planning a monthly date night. We have also started trying to put the kids to bed earlier and then we can have some more time together in the evenings.
We have a 17 month old, and our sex life has really decreased since he was born. But, we make up for it by spending quality time together when possible. Kiddo goes to Nana’s 1-2 nights a month, and we have date nights or movie nights at home to keep the fire alive.
Life gets hectic. With 3 little ones, we make our monthly date night a priority. It is just our time to stay connected which translates throughout the month. Steamy post. Thanks for sharing.
You have brought out some very good points. Great post for those still interested on that subject.
I know what you mean. It’s hard juggling everything we do and then to jump in bed at night and do that. I always say I have to feel connected to do that so we have to spend time together whether its just watching a movie together and being close. We need more date nights but then theres the kids and we feel bad asking someone to watch them. We are working on our groove though
Such a great topic! I know that after having 2 kiddoes (one is 3, the other is 2 months) this is an area that needs more attention. Thanks for the reminder!
It’s tough to find time for sex for us, but when we do, it’s worth every second!
I have to have some time to myself to relax and detach from day to day life and then I can enjoy quality time with the hubby more.
Great points! And yes, we need to take time for our spouses. My hubby is my best friend. While we take time for sex, we also take plenty of time for mutually enjoyable activities. Sometimes, I think enjoying each other through communication and activities is a bit more important than just sex.
We’ve been married for 20 years and going strong.
Thanks so much for sharing!
suzy
Everything you say makes sense. I gotta tell ya though, after the kids get older and there is no worry of them barging into your room or crying for you in the middle of the night, the sex gets better.
Good post for married couples.
I try to always say YES! The hardest part is just letting go and saying yes….trust me…the dishes can wait.
Wendy
Around My Family Table
I think women need to give themselves permission to just flat out enjoy it as much as the guys! Let’s all take a weekend getaway and spark that flame once again!
Balance *is* key. It is just so darn hard to find sometimes.
It is so easy to stop having sex when you have kids and work and everything else. My husband and I actually started scheduling for three times a week. Its no so romantic but it improves our relationship. BTW loved this post!!
Not currently having a lover holds my time hostage!
This is very timely for us (30′s, 3 kids 6 & under)
Thanks for this reminder!
Still single. And never tried it.
We will make time to do anything that we decide to make a priority in our lives. Great reminder that husbands and wives both need to prioritize intimate time together!
What a great post!! Very encouraging
Great post, but what made me laugh out loud was scrolling down and seeing that there where 69 messages. We did go through the post baby slump, but we persevered and all is well.
That made me laugh all day, too. I’ve been waiting for number 70
We’re just getting out of the “baby waking up 50 times a night” stage, so our bedroom life is barely getting back on track. It did suffer for a while there, it’s hard to make time for yourselves as a couple sometimes!
I’m thankful for a brilliant husband who understands this, and he steps up to the plate and takes over some responsibilities and creates a relaxing environment for me where I can just let my mind relax. It really makes a difference.
Life does get busy and we all get tired, but thanks for the reminder. It is important to a marriage, my marriage, for sure.
I liked what you said about focusing on “doing” and missing the “being” — this is a plague, indeed.
I’m not ready to share such private stuff online, though
LOL You’ll notice I didn’t share any private stuff, either, Eleni! My ‘what does it for you’ question wasn’t meant for private things but for things like ‘I feel more relaxed if the dishes are done’ type stuff. When my kids were small the term ‘date night’ hadn’t even come into being yet! I always felt better when I had systems in place — a household binder where all my warranties were, were all the records for the vet were and where all the horse records were and any other things: plumbers name and address with list of things he had done and receipts etc. I had a binder for all the recipes I used a lot and a section for new ones to try. I did freezer cooking one weekend every few months to last for 4-6 months. I deep cleaned one room a month to eliminate the need for spring cleaning and dusted the communal rooms every day. During this time we also homeschooled and ran a 6-figure business from home and were volunteer youth advisors in a very large and active church youth group. With all that we HAD to have a system to get it done and it had to be simple!
Becky
Wearing lots of hats leaves little time for my husband. But tackling chores before the children go to bed leaves us with time together to do whatever, even if it’s just watching TV together- not my favorite choice, but the closeness counts!
{ 2 trackbacks }