≡ Menu

Follow You on Twitter? Here’s Why I Won’t Do It – Part Uno de mucho


I’d like to follow you on Twitter. I really would! …



But I honestly think some of them live in a bubble!


I periodically unfollow people. The reasons are many … so many that they get their own blog post! Some you have to see to believe — are these people for real? Please keep in mind that theses reasons are my own and not meant to insult your 3rd period teacher, your gangsta peeps or any celebrity.

Some of the basic reasons are:


  • No bio — if you’re invisible I won’t follow you on Twitter!
  • No photo — if you’re afraid you’ll scare small children … I won’t follow you on Twitter.
  • If you tweet in languages I don’t speak … you got it, I won’t follow you on Twitter! I’m mono-lingual.


Then there are the age-related reasons:


  • “I have Mr. Tucker for 3rd period.” — You’re 12. I don’t follow children on Twitter. That’s icky.
  • Your bio says you are into vampires and hanging out with your friends after school — Again, there’s the reference to school. And vampires. It’s a dead (pardon the pun) giveaway that you’re in middle school. Double icky!
  • You have Bieber anywhere in your bio. Or as your photo. Or in a tweet. — No explanation needed.
  • Your bio says, ‘I’m a gangsta’ but your photo clearly shows an 8 year old. — You’re a ‘gangsta’ like I’m Warren Buffet. Get over yourself.


And the Stalker reasons:


  • Anyone who uses a picture of Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise in their bio.
  • Anyone who mentions Lady Gaga in their bio.
  • Anyone who *is* Lady Gaga, Brad Pitt, or Tom Cruise.


And the ones who make me wonder:


  • Your bio says, ‘I smell like alcohol … a lot.’ — Dude, get help. Seriously.
  • If you spell your name upside down. — I can’t read that. My days on the trapeze in the circus are over.
  • Your bio says, ‘Just follow me, hoe.’ — At least I’ll know you when I see you. You’ll be the tool with every garden implement from Home Depot following you around.


And then the ‘Just Plain Weird’:


  • Your bio says ‘we are SEO experts’  but the photo is you in a Playtex 18-hour bra and your Twitter handle is ‘buylikes’. — I’m not so sure SEO is what you’re an expert in. Maybe it’s ‘See Everything Ornery’?
  • Your bio says, ‘Just hop on my powdered donut, boy’. — What does that even MEAN?!
  • Your bio says, ‘I’m a Tree Fairy’. — Do I even need to comment on that one?


This is by no means an exhaustive list. I look every week. I will find you. And I will OUT you. I have plenty more ammo right here.

If you’ve seen any crazy ones, comment below! Let me know these weren’t posted on Twitter just for me to see!!


About the author: Misplaced Delawarean, Mom and Mommom – after retiring to Florida in 2006, these days she hails from Central Texas where she and her husband relocated to be close to their only grandchild – Baby Danger. Loves crafting, sewing, reading and is just trying to keep it together!

{ 32 comments… add one }
  • Kim Garst June 6, 2012, 11:01 AM

    Love this article! The best part is I can just ‘hear’ you saying this! Love content like that 😉

    • Simple and Sane June 7, 2012, 4:14 PM

      Thank you, Kim! You don’t know how much I love hearing that :-)

  • denny hagel June 6, 2012, 11:01 AM

    Great rules to follow for twitter! Thanks for sharing this!

    • Simple and Sane June 7, 2012, 4:15 PM

      My pleasure! I feel like Jeff Foxworthy and his redneck jokes :-)

  • Heather June 6, 2012, 11:07 AM

    You are hysterical! You had me laughing out loud. I need that today– many thanks!

    • Simple and Sane June 7, 2012, 4:16 PM

      Thanks, Heather! I have a bunch more — I keep a running list. I giggled the whole time I wrote it!

  • Alexandra McAllister June 6, 2012, 4:05 PM

    Now I see why you follow and don’t follow some people! LOL! I do the same thing! Some are just plain weird! Thanks for this fresh presentation! Love your approach!

    • Simple and Sane June 7, 2012, 4:17 PM

      Thanks, Alexandra! Just wait until the next installment. :-)

  • Holly Jean June 6, 2012, 9:21 PM

    What a great read after a hectic day! Tanks for the light-hearted view on twitter!

    • Simple and Sane June 7, 2012, 4:17 PM

      Awesome! Glad you liked it :-)

  • Linda Jenkins June 6, 2012, 9:48 PM

    love your truthfulness-I am the same way–another one I o not follow is ones that say follow them to get 5000 followers and they only have 3000 themselves

    • Simple and Sane June 7, 2012, 4:18 PM

      I use ManageFlitter to unfollow and check each bio. It takes more time but I get great material :-)

  • Mandy Edwards June 6, 2012, 10:06 PM

    I loved this! You had me literally laughing out loud! I go by these same rules too!

    • Simple and Sane June 7, 2012, 4:19 PM

      Awesome! A little Humpday Humor :-)

  • Christiane Marshall June 7, 2012, 1:24 AM

    Thanks for the belly laugh!

    Oh my! I haven’t seen anything like that yet. Maybe I better look more closely. We definitely want to un-follow anyone with S&H in their bio, right? Christiane

    • Simple and Sane June 7, 2012, 4:19 PM

      Yeah, those Shipping and Handling folks tweet wild stuff :-)

  • Lorii Abela June 7, 2012, 10:57 AM

    This post made me smile as well as learn the rules to follow on twitter. Thanks for sharing!

    • Simple and Sane June 7, 2012, 4:21 PM

      My pleasure, Lorii! We can all use extra smiles :-)

  • Gina Parris June 7, 2012, 3:49 PM

    Hahhaa these are awesome! How do I miss all the fun? I don’t even see such fascinating bios in my stream. But then I used to when I had some auto-follow going on. I also don’t follow people whose avatar is a picture of cleavage and whose website is see-me-naked.com Ew. I’d rather follow the kid in Mr. Tucker’s 3rd period!

    • Simple and Sane June 7, 2012, 4:22 PM

      I unfollow with ManageFlitter and look at them all — mainly for material :-) People are …….. interesting, eh?

  • Christy Lee June 9, 2012, 2:42 AM

    I love this article. Thank you for making me laugh so hard. You helped me answer a bunch of questions too thank you!

    • Simple and Sane June 9, 2012, 9:22 AM

      My pleasure, Christy! It always helps to see the funny side of things :-)

  • Sara Nickleberry June 9, 2012, 9:58 AM

    HAHAHAHAA! OMG. I’m dying over here. Truth can be so funny. You’re hilarious. Thanks, this was great.

  • Theresa Cifali June 9, 2012, 10:01 PM

    Oh my gosh, Becky! This made me laugh so much. I would love to see your exhaustive list! It makes me smile to see that you and I share the same philosophy on this issue, too.

  • Suzanne Jones June 10, 2012, 6:19 PM

    FUNNY! Loved every second, my fav being the one about Beibs! Keep em coming Becky, this is great!

  • Beth Heilman June 10, 2012, 7:42 PM

    I am laughing so hard I’m crying!! Becky, you’re da bomb (but not a gangsta ) These tips rock!! Gonna go do me some unfollowing now!!

  • Gretchen Pritts June 11, 2012, 8:52 PM

    What a fantastic post Becky. Thanks for sharing, but most of all thanks for sharing you!!

  • Olga Hermans June 15, 2012, 1:12 PM

    I totally agree with Kim; this was so fun to read and above all it’s true!!

  • Bonnie Chase June 15, 2012, 5:31 PM

    So fun and entertaining to read. You said what so many of us think! These tips rock….I have some unfollows to do!

  • Nancy August 30, 2012, 7:51 PM

    Had just finished going through new Twitter follows…. your post is marvelous, hysterical, and so true! Thanks for the smiles!

  • Ailsa March 16, 2013, 3:01 AM

    Priceless, Becky. Thanks for the midweek laugh and the tip on ManageFlitter. xx Ailsa

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

© 2011-2015 Simple and Sane.com