Follow You on Twitter? Here’s Why I Won’t Do It – Part Uno de mucho

 

I’d like to follow you on Twitter. I really would! …

 

 

But I honestly think some of them live in a bubble!

 

I periodically unfollow people. The reasons are many … so many that they get their own blog post! Some you have to see to believe — are these people for real? Please keep in mind that theses reasons are my own and not meant to insult your 3rd period teacher, your gangsta peeps or any celebrity.

Some of the basic reasons are:

 

• No bio — if you’re invisible I won’t follow you on Twitter!

• No photo — if you’re afraid you’ll scare small children … I won’t follow you on Twitter.

• If you tweet in languages I don’t speak … you got it, I won’t follow you on Twitter! I’m mono-lingual.

 

Then there are the age-related reasons:

 

• “I have Mr. Tucker for 3rd period.” — You’re 12. I don’t follow children on Twitter. That’s icky.

• Your bio says you are into vampires and hanging out with your friends after school — Again, there’s the reference to school. And vampires. It’s a dead (pardon the pun) giveaway that you’re in middle school. Double icky!

• You have Bieber anywhere in your bio. Or as your photo. Or in a tweet. — No explanation needed.

• Your bio says, ‘I’m a gangsta’ but your photo clearly shows an 8 year old. — You’re a ‘gangsta’ like I’m Warren Buffet. Get over yourself.

 

And the Stalker reasons:

 

• Anyone who uses a picture of Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise in their bio.

• Anyone who mentions Lady Gaga in their bio.

• Anyone who *is* Lady Gaga, Brad Pitt, or Tom Cruise.

 

And the ones who make me wonder:

 

• Your bio says, ‘I smell like alcohol … a lot.’ — Dude, get help. Seriously.

• If you spell your name upside down. — I can’t read that. My days on the trapeze in the circus are over.

• Your bio says, ‘Just follow me, hoe.’ — At least I’ll know you when I see you. You’ll be the tool with every garden implement from Home Depot following you around.

 

And then the ‘Just Plain Weird’:

 

• Your bio says ‘we are SEO experts’  but the photo is you in a Playtex 18-hour bra and your Twitter handle is ‘buylikes’. — I’m not so sure SEO is what you’re an expert in. Maybe it’s ‘See Everything Ornery’?

• Your bio says, ‘Just hop on my powdered donut, boy’. — What does that even MEAN?!

• Your bio says, ‘I’m a Tree Fairy’. — Do I even need to comment on that one?

 

This is by no means an exhaustive list. I look every week. I will find you. And I will OUT you. I have plenty more ammo right here.

If you’ve seen any crazy ones, comment below! Let me know these weren’t posted on Twitter just for me to see!!

 

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